Seeing is believing..
15. Of rejecting and accepting reality..
Kirtana had left for work and Raghav and Maliha were left to entertain themselves through the rainy and windy day, and they did not mind a bit. It gave them ample time to catch up. Raghav was sitting on one of Kit’s ornamental chairs, it looked great, but was not even close to comfortable, so Mali helped him up, and got him on another chair. “So my baby bro..” she said endearingly, “How have you been? How has life in the US been treating you? And why did you pierce your eyebrow? That looks like it might have hurt a lot!!”
“haha… well yes it did, but it takes the attention away from my eyes now doesn’t it! And life’s been great Mali, I mean I have a great time at University, and my course is challenging and crazy at times…and I mean it literally, considering I’m a psych student! Its brilliant fun…got to travel quite a bit over the last few weeks, did this camping trip, and you know how that country can be really good to the ‘disabled’ if they have to be…might be one of the main reasons I went to study there.”
“My friends are nothing short of amazing, and we are really just a mixed bag…of nuts. Oh.. and I met this completely nutty girl on the plane, turns out she goes to the same University, she’s doing this bad girl bald headed chick in a jazz band routine, who is a geeky scientist by day, fun stuff! Might ask her out sometime..” If you did not know Raghav, you would think he was a bit of a cocky guy for talking this way, but Maliha knew he meant no harm, it was just his way of saying he was comfortable enough around you to let his guard down, and talk a like a ‘dude’. She let him go on…”okay so I think that about sums up the fluffy stuff…you know why I’m here. Mali it just that off late I find that everything I do is a sham, like I’m pretending it’s okay that I can’t see anything, that I can’t be ‘normal’, that somehow my disability is going to give me some depth in my profession, I’m going crazy… I just want to scream, run out of my head or punch something. And If I don’t get help I think I might just do something I will regret!”
“Wow… calm down.. why all this, why all of a sudden?? What changed between now and say even two years ago?? You were okay right, you were dealing with this with a lot of maturity, so why lose it now? What changed?” said Mali, trying not to sound too alarmed.
“Nothing changed Mali, that’s the worst part, I’ve always felt like this. I guess as a kid I did not make such a big deal out of it, because well I had a limited scope to express it, maybe I just did not have the words! but now, now that I’ve seen.. I mean I know how much I’m missing out… I feel so angry!!! I hate this darkness, this miserable darkness that I cannot shake, and that I want to so badly! I read so much, theory upon theory about mental health and therapy for the disabled, but if I can’t convince myself out of this, how am I ever going to be any good at helping anyone else?!”
“okay so.. that’s what it is..” Mali said, almost whispering. “so what did you come back for? What did you think would happen if we met? You thought you could get some quick fix from me…?” she said more angrily than she was…to make Raghav understand, she was willing to help, but was not happy about him doing this with life
“No I am not Mali, but you said I could come to YOU, you said if I ever needed your help. And I’ve come. I want to find something that will help me get over this, so that I can help people get over their problems, I have to be able to practice what I preach right?” said Raghav….
They sat in silence, as Maliha thought about this. How would she help him? How could she help him??
Pondering another subject was Rita. Rita was sitting at her desk - her day job as a shop manager, for a clothing store; her ‘other’ job was acting in plays. She’d been especially good in Manu’s play, and she was finally feeling good about herself again. She had been suffering from what she liked to think perpetual heart break and self-pity. She had defined that to a be a condition where she felt rejected by anything and everyone she knew. And she knew that the worst part of feeling that sort of existent or non-existent rejection was not being ignored or let down, but was having that thing you were hoping for, that good feeling taking birth inside you as a result of having invested your heart and soul (not necessarily in totality) in that situation or feeling, snatched away, beaten or crushed, smashed to a million pieces, where all that was left was a total lack of hope, a big gaping void, that needed to be filled by something…new…something ‘good’ to look forward to.
Initially Rita had filled that void with food, she had gained a ton of weight, and if she felt rejected before, she felt worse now. Her wardrobe was rejecting her body, her heart would have rejected her body too and who knows, if she had continued on that path, she would have been forced to reject herself in the living state. She had an epiphany one night… She had been getting back home pretty upset as usual… and of course there had been food and drink involved... this was before she began acting in plays. She was being driven, reluctantly, by a friend of a friend, who also had probably had more than she should have that night. They were getting to Rita’s house, and since it was late, they skipped a signal. Not realizing how fast they were going, and that 10 feet ahead was another car taking a u-turn they crashed right into that car that night…..The girl driving Rita’s car never saw the next day, the girl in the other car would never walk again. But Rita? She walked away without a mark. Rita had been consumed by her self-pity and so called multiple heart breaks, this was a sum total of pretty standard school and college experiences. Now she realized, she had been spared, she was given a chance to survive this accident and in that she had received the best ‘acceptance’ ever. It negated every rejection she ever felt bad about. And from that day on…she had decided to change her silly ways. It was time to wake up, grow up and take charge of her circumstances! She dropped some weight…she gave a 100% at her job, well...jobs.. and finally quit this sickening lethargy with which she had been living with, this ‘oh me!..Poor me!’ routine.. and not only was it refreshing for her…her whole ‘world’ started responding to it! Not to mention the standing ovation she got at the play! What she was thinking about though…were the girls whose lives had been sacrificed during her great realization. She quietly shed a tear for them both, before tending to a customer..
2 comments:
even the pics next to each story are so amazing. did u do themt too??!
No :) but i search for them , i search with a certain sentiment from the story as a key word, and then use what i 'feel' is right :) glad u like :)
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