The pathology of sadness..
13. Why Mira had come home…
Mira was playing her flute beautifully, the music had a way of making the listener feel sad and happy all at the same time, reaching into that part of your mind that had memories that were an intersection of bitter and sweet…and coaxing those memories to play one after another to the sound of the music. There is always a certain amount of perception that is left to the one who listens, but this feeling was always the basis of ‘enjoying’ the music.
Mira had a twin sister; they were like most twin sister’s thick as thieves and did everything together. Her name was Nisha… and she was Mira’s mirror image. Until they had started to drift apart off late. Mira had started to notice her sister disconnect, become a different, unidentifiable person. And Mira felt disturbed by how her sister was withdrawing not just from her but from her family too. Mira’s parents had called her home as a last ditch attempt, to get Nisha to open up about what was happening and see if she could talk some sense into the once chirpy, energetic soul! Mira could not say no to this call for help, and just like Raghav decided she would take some time off to see what was happening back home and help mend whatever bridges had been broken or burnt. It was a big move, taking time off, but family came first and Mira wanted to help her sister. She had no idea what to expect when she got home that day… but she did catch a glimpse of the old Nisha, when she gave her a hug. Nisha looked tired, and thinner than she used to. She had been working hard at college she said. She had decided to stay back in India, to do a degree in Engineering. Both had a flair for science. They also had a wonderful artistic side that their parents nurtured, thus making them well-rounded girls. Nisha had been ill the past few days, down with a flu and so that also explained why she looked so run down. She did seem happy to see Mira though, and the two, went off to Nisha’s room to talk.
“Nish..you’ve changed your room?” Nisha’s room was usually an explosion of too many things, apart from the usual pile of clothes on the bed and floor, it was almost always a mess, with posters and pencil drawings on the wall… and tons of terracotta pots all over the place. Nisha had a potter’s wheel in her balcony, and she made at least a dozen pots a month, experimenting in size, shape and symmetry. And of course her keyboard.. Which she hardly ever touched . Now her room looked like the ghost of the previous version, tamed and restricted, the walls all painted over. The clothes back in the cupboard, the pots all stacked up on the shelf she had fixed to a wall. And the potter’s wheel covered from not being used for a while. Her keyboard was now on a stand, neatly arranged on one side of her room. This looked like she had been playing, which was a change, but was that a good sign? Mira’s mum knew she was healthy. Meaning to say there was nothing wrong with her, but she did know that her daughter was behaving differently, and it had been getting worse for the few months… what had happened to her once exuberant daughter? Mira was thinking this same thing about her sister.
Before Mira could say anything else, Nisha said “so you came back to talk some ‘sense’ into me? Mom and dad would have been telling you all about how I’m ‘different’ these days?... Mira I’ll tell you now, you are wasting your time, and you should not have come back!”… Mira did not know if her sister was being hostile or sarcastic or just honest.. she let Nisha finish..” I’ve just withdrawn from life, because… well I’m just… bored! Did you ever stop to think that?? You all immediately assume there is something ‘wrong’ with me!”
“Arrgggh..stop looking at me like I’m going to explode or something…fine!! Do you want to know ??? well…I’m not sure how it happened, but I just started to pull back off late! My friends at college, we used to have great time, we are all so close. But suddenly I just can’t bring myself to have any fun anymore. I’m bored and dull, and slowly as I withdraw from everyone, everyone is withdrawing from me.. I can’t explain why it’s happening. But it is…. Aaaah!(she was pacing the floor, and ranting, gesturing angrily) okay maybe I do need your help!!!!But how do you help someone like me…I’m not the one who….forget it..!!!”
“And no I’m not heart broken or suicidal, but yes I might be a little depressed. But I cannot say how this happened…Mira…” she had been speaking very angrily till then, and now it was as though her voice cracked, she broke down…and the tears began to flow. “Mira, it’s like I’m sad about life, I find myself bored with everything and unwilling to really try or do anything…a-and it might have something to do with Riya, you know she was in car accident 3 months ago? I told you about this”…”her spine was crushed in the accident, and now my friend, the girl I would do everything with, is paralyzed from the waist down… “
Mira let her sister cry in her arms. She could not understand why she could not have told any of this to their mother, but there was something about opening up to someone your own age, at your own level that made the difference, plus Nisha would have felt like she was talking to herself, just looking into the eyes of her twin, both things she was used to.
Nisha went on to open up about the incident and her feelings after it had happened. She told Mira, how the accident had happened, Riya had been driving one evening, back from a common friend’s place, and had just dropped Nish back home. When she was taking a turn at a signal, an SUV driven by a drunk driver, came swerving, fast and out of control, ramming her car on the side, sending the car skidding five feet into a lamppost, that crushed the driver’s side with Riya in it. Riya had been in a coma for a week, and thereafter had been declared paralysed due to severe damage to her vertebrae. Nisha was devastated, she felt partly responsible, if it was not for her, Riya would not have been driving on that road.. and every day she thought this, and felt her friend’s pain as though it were her own...slowly pulling herself away from all things Riya could not do, punishing herself. And so Nisha had begun to live life as though she was paralysed… and in a sense she was. She was frozen in her sadness, and this had given her no real reason to do anything, because for one she was missing her other best friend and two, she had decided that just when you get too happy, find yourself feeling free and unrestricted with everything within your reach, something comes along, to put a mountain in your path, to make you feel angry and yet empty, and take away from you the spirit of trying. And Nisha was here, at the base of that mountain, camping there in silence, agonizing over the plight of her dear friend, not even really living any more.
Mira’s parents had been right to call her back. She had been told this story, but how badly it was eating at her sister, and her absolute refusal to talk to her parents meant that the only person who could help, was here. Mira would need to think about how to help her sister…
1 comments:
Oh wow! :) Shruti you have such amazing ideas.. I love the way you are weaving it into a story.
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