This left Maliha, to get up and fend for herself in Kit’s apartment. She got up and fixed herself some breakfast and decided to venture out to buy herself some canvas. She could not carry this along with her where ever she went so that meant she would go and buy what was available in the city she was in.

She was not too far from an area that sold all sorts of things like this. She took the umbrella that Kit had left outside her room, before she left and set out into the city for the first time since she had arrived. She had been here before and had lived in another area, but she could manage her way around the city. She walked on the wet pavement; her bright yellow top was the only spot of colour on that road, gloomy from the shadows cast by the sky, heavy with rain clouds. She walked with a little bounce in her step as though there was a song playing and she was moving to the beat. But there was a song playing...it was in her head. She then took a deep breath and thought about her dad. This happened often, she would be totally engaged in everyday life but her mind would suddenly feel the force of a ton of bricks, sending a part of her back to the time she had just lost her parents, and she felt like she could not breathe. The moment would pass, leaving her with the exercise of getting back to her usual energetic self, but no one ever noticed her go through this.

This was her reality, and no one could understand, they would never feel her pain, that crushing sense of loss, that hit her when she was just catching herself feeling happy… no one had known what to say to her, a month after the loss. The consolations and empathy came with a shelf life. Some listened to her if she spoke but never reacted, while others changed the subject, disguising their discomfort in listening any further with their insensitive conversation switch as if doing her the favour of avoiding a painful topic. At some point Maliha had made her peace with all these people in her world, she had to appreciate them for being there at least, she had started to tell herself. No one ever said that life would be easy; a loss is a loss is a loss…

She had come so far since. She had learned to restrict these small intervals from normal ‘Mali’ behaviour, restrict it for her own sake. She did do it with a little help from her artistic expressiveness. Her paintings, sculptures and any other medium she chose to use were all her way of channelling her energy into something constructive. She had healed herself with art. And now she was leading a life where she had ‘family’ members far and wide and spent her time doing what gave her life meaning, she thought.

She was walking on auto pilot, lost in thoughts and not really there, she bumped right into a man on his cycle and laughed out loud as she apologized to him! She then decided to be alert and find this shop she was looking for. In her head she remembered what it looked like, and before long she had reached.

The shop was crowded with students and some ‘grown-ups’ in their overused khadi kurtas, but she could already see the things she needed stacked on a shelf on the left corner behind the counter. She called out to one of the shopkeepers, whose attention she got right as she walked through the door. Normal for Maliha. What she did not notice is as she had walked in her bag had knocked over an open can of paint, that had now fallen on the almost bare feet of a not-so-happy fellow shopper. “Excuse me! But do you think you could leave your luggage outside when you get into shop like this, there’s hardly enough room for us in here, let alone your bag!” said a bald, green footed man in his late twenties. Maliha burst into laughter and the man had no choice but let his irritation dissolve in it and join in. “well maybe this colour is not so bad, it covers my very pale feet!”. “I think we got off on the wrong ‘foot’, I’m Jagan!.. and you?”, said Jagan. “Maliha, and I’m really sorry about the paint, I guess I do carry around a lot of baggage!! Let me make it up to you, how about a nice bottle of paint thinner!” she said with a little twinkle in her eye, part flirty part trying to be funny.

“Well as amazing as that offer sounds...NOT! My director will kill me if I’m late. I am designing the sets for a play that shows in two days and if I delay even a minute longer we may not be ready for the opening!” said Jagan.

“ Ah well, invite me for the opening , I will make it up to you then? Unless of course you’re scared my big bag will do more damage?” said Mali with a laugh. “Ok, consider yourself invited! Here’s the flyer!” bring a friend or three!” he said as he was rushing out the door, “See you there Maliha, hopefully without that bag. And my number’s on the back of the flyer, ummm.. Just in case!”

“Will do, and yes I’ll get someone or maybe even two along, that play better blow my mind” she winked. She went on to buy the supplies she needed.

She was going to paint a large canvas this time. And work on it at Kirtana’s home. Kit was going to be her inspiration for this one.

She walked back home, and made it in just before it started to rain heavily.

*******

Kirtana was stuck in traffic. Yes she had left early, not early enough. What was worse was that she was stuck with the client’s new assistant and was forced to make small talk. And how Kirtana hated small talk. The topics were restricted to the weather, how bad the traffic was and how the city was getting too expensive to live in anymore. And worse still there were these awkward silences and pauses that were only disturbed by the ringing of one of their cell phones.

Kit had had almost enough by the time they reached the office site. Cranky and little hungry from having eaten too little, her head ached slightly. This was going to be a great day, she thought sarcastically. Well you win some you lose some, she added to herself.

She made her way up to the office building. ‘He’ was going to join her there. She had not thought about him since the railway station, but now she could feel her heart racing as she approached the building. Knowing already that he would be there, she caught her reflection in the glass door on her way in...Not too bad she thought, could be better, way better. She entered and straightened up, took bigger strides , but before she knew if she was falling face first onto the dust covered work-in-progress office floor!!! She had been so worried about the way she looked and thinking about seeing him, she did not see the wooden beam near the entrance, and was taking a great big dive...about to bite into some serious floor dust, all in front of him and the clients! This day was getting better by the minute! Kirtana heard something rip as he fell... just what she needed!!

5. Rewind...Back to when they met

A week before this incident at the restaurant, Maliha had arrived at Kirtana’s. Kirtana, or Kit as she would come to be called, showed Mali around her beautiful two bedroom apartment. The home was furnished with many antique pieces of furniture, pieces that Kit had got from her grandfather, others that she bought from shops she happened to find when she travelled on work. Her home was neat and organized but not to the extent that it was perfect. All the walls were a light yellow colour and between the antiques and colourful rugs in her house, she had little bursts of modern art and chrome fixtures that gave her home an eclectic vibe.

Maliha was definitely impressed by her house. She was going to enjoy her stay here she thought, and would make sure that Kit enjoyed herself too. The two decided to have a cup of coffee, just as it began to rain. Mali took the opportunity to get out her camera; she loved taking pictures of cities in the rain.

Kit and Mali sat down on a big blue couch, the upholstery was a light blue and the cushions were shades of green and purple. “I feel at home here already! Thanks a lot Kirtana. So I will take the room on the right? The one with the green painting over the bed, correct?” said Mali. “Yes, do you like the room? I recently finished decorating it, and that painting was done by a friend of mine, I’m sure she will be famous some day, so I bought it from her while I could still afford it!” said Kirtana with a little laugh. “Oh! It’s a really interesting piece; you must introduce me to your friend! And yes, the room looks great, but then again anything would be an improvement from where I spent the last few months!... but I love the room! So tell me about what you do, you only briefly mentioned it, I would really love to hear more.” Maliha sounded quite excited to hear more.

Kirtana began about how she designed office spaces for living. She was an architect and series of decisions and job moves after she graduated from college, brought her to the firm she worked for now, that designed office spaces for large corporates across the country and few across the world. Her company’s main claim to success was the sophisticated and clean finish they gave to offices while maintaining certain environmentally friendly elements, that was a huge hit with their clientele. Kirtana, handled some key projects now and did them very well, her knack for organizing served her well in this sort of environment, which is probably why she had never moved on to any other types of spaces or design. She made herself a good living, but she was not always happy about her job.

Some where she was a little bored, with the feeling that she had not quite found what she was looking for! So now Mali was up to speed about Kirtana’s job. Now it was Kit’s turn to ask the questions, “So, I’m sure you get this all the time, but why do you do it... Why this kind of life? I don’t mean to pry though, please feel free not to answer the question, at least not right away!”

“Oh no! This is probably the part of the ‘introductions routine’ with every new roommate I really look forward to! I will definitely answer your questions, it’s only fair that I do, I’m living in your house!” said Mali with a smile. Mali began a story, that she had clearly told many times. She had grown up in a small very happy family. She and her parents. Her parents were both business people, they had owned and run a cement factory, and had been well off for the time. They however met a tragic end to their beautiful life, the tale of which Mali would save for some other time. Mali had been 18, when she lost them and had inherited her parents business and wealth. At that age, she decided that she would take care of herself the way she knew her parents would have looked after her, which was met with a lot of resistance by her uncle, but eventually she won! She sold the business, at a profit and put herself through art school. She moved out of her parent’s big home, and bought a small apartment. She had enough to lead a very comfortable life, but she deeply missed the sense of having a family. Her parents had been free spirited, happy people and Mali had learnt from their example. She was simple at heart and uncomplicated in her approach to life and took time to appreciate everything she had even when she had lost so much!

Once on a trip from art school, she had stayed with a friend’s old aunt, and had finally got back that feeling, like she used to, of having a family. And this is how her slightly nomadic existence came to be! She had been brave and positive in the light of her great loss, but she would not deny herself the experience of feeling like she belonged to someone, that her life could be touched in a way that could only be done by being with people, like a family. And so she moved from place to place, person to people, learning and living like them and teaching them something about life through her eyes as well. Mali felt herself choke up a bit every time said that story. She had been so tough and been such an inspiration to people she met and at some level to herself. She had lived the last 10 years the way most people did not live in a lifetime...

Kirtana had gotten the chills when she heard that story. She sat quietly, cushion on her lap, the coffee in her hand gone cold from having stopped doing everything to listen to Mali intently. She was already so swept away by Mali, but this gave her a whole new dimension. “I.... I hardly have the words, you have done so much for yourself, I’m sure your parents would be proud...”she said. “So... do you think you will ever have a family of your own someday?”

“Someday..” said Mali, sounding as though that was just about how much she wanted to talk about this anymore. “So now you know... why I do this...live like this!” She asked Kirtana to help her unpack a bit. She wanted to set up some of her art supplies, and wanted to make sure Kit was comfortable with where everything went. Soon they were on the floor of the spare bedroom, laughing and swapping stories about college. They were getting along better that Kirtana had planned! Yes Kit did plan everything! She pulled out an orange box from Mali’s suitcase, and it slipped from her hand, landing on the ground the lid rolling off... from the box, several little objects fell out. Among the objects, were photographs, some small and big. There was one that landed, below Kit’s foot. A picture of a boy, he had on sunglasses, and had a dog sitting by his side, as he smiled warmly. The back drop for this picture looked like a beach. Mali saw that photograph and immediately sprung up! “oh I totally forgot to ask you, would it be all right if I had someone join us to stay?”...she said excitedly..Kirtana looked at her and knew it was the boy in the photograph who would be their ‘visitor' soon.

3: Free Fall...

He could feel the air around him, and the silence was a rush by itself. There he was hanging off the edge of the opening of that small plane, ready to take the biggest plunge of his life, jump 15000ft, and experience life, as all the brochures had put it! They had been through the security instructions easily a hundred times, but Raghav had heard enough, he had been waiting a while for this sky diving experience and he wanted to rely on his instincts to guide him through it! He was not one to over think anything; in fact his friends would go as far as to say, he never thought through much at all. He was not reckless or irresponsible, but he was daring and energetic …all wrapped up into one slightly overweight, average height twenty one year old. This was his year off, he was taking a break in between his course, his undergraduate degree in human psychology and animal behavior, much to the dismay of his parents, but he said he needed this to get an idea of what he was supposed to do with his life after this degree. He knew this was rubbish, he even knew if someone else were giving him that same story he would have laughed at them so hard, before he proceeded to discourage them from such an idea. But Raghav was sure, he needed this. He had been studying human behavior and intelligence patterns when he had come to this decision one day.. He was getting so saturated, in over his head with theory after flawed theory that he needed to get out of his head and ‘live’ a bit.

So there he was, doing the thing that action and travel books were made off and before he made his way back home to India, he was going to have two wild weeks in the US, where he had come to study and ‘prosper’.

Sky diving was number five on the list. He had already done the first four! He had eaten sushi, this was a big deal because he was a strict vegetarian and had gotten a piercing, his eyebrow, nothing that creepy, and had climbed a lesser known hill, and roughed it out in the wilderness for five days. Again not a big deal for the average person. Except, Raghav was blind...

He had been since he was four years old, and had handled his ‘challenge’ with maturity and a great attitude. Very few people even remembered he was blind, and hardly anyone would show him the kind of pity that was usually handed out to people with such disabilities. Raghav had been an interesting and interested learner through school and although difficult to survive in mainstream schools in India, he had managed, and well. His parents were both working individuals and had done the best thing they could for their son, not make his disability the focus, the beginning and end of a normal life. Raghav had taken up psychology as his key interest and had always been very good at what appeared to be hearing ‘body language’. It was true that where you lost one sense, the others heightened, and Raghav had a natural ability.

He was taking this year off, to improve his skills, he said. He was going back home, and was planning on travelling through India to study ‘study patterns’ and general behavioral patterns of children between the ages of 9-15… among other things. But mostly he was taking the advice of a dear friend. One who had come to stay with him and his family three years ago, at his house, and had been the sister and friend he had never had. Mali-akka, sounding almost like Malika, had been one of the many reasons he took up psychology. She fascinated him and angered him all at once! She was the only person Raghav envied for having her eyesight and was amazed at how she could tell him a story or take him on walks near the beach with Saibu (the family’s pet) and describe every sight with details that would have never been noticed by anyone with eyesight, or teach him something new.. Like how to sculpt clay into any form he ‘saw’ in his mind. She had come at a time, when Raghav needed to be reminded that anger was not an answer. He had always been patient with himself, but at the time he was going through a slightly harder period at school with his disability and she had come almost as if to help him.

The day she left she gave Raghav a clay sculpture she had made... It was shaped like a pyramid, with grooves across its surface, and coloured threads wound around it. She said it represented the colours he could not see, but would learn to ‘feel’, and when ever he felt he was ready to feel them, and to experience being able to see them, that he should find her. The pyramid like figure was him, bound by what he longed to see, but what he could not, and how that thought was limiting him! She had said, he only had to write to her and she would take good care of him. At the time, he was a bit skeptical. The concept was too abstract, but he held that gift in his hand, and felt it against his skin, and knew that this would be with him for life.

And so now three years later, when he was struggling to be the best he could be, and not quite being able to tell why, he remembered Mali’s gift. He had written to her and sure enough she was ready to meet him, and check on her dear 'brother', and help him...

Raghav counted to ten… and jumped! He could not even feel the man strapped on and helping him… he gave into the experience… and let the feeling take over him. What a rush!

2. Listens to her head..

Kirtana and Maliha, reached home after an hour long drive. The drive back had been a mix of awkward conversations and stating the obvious, as was customary of all first-time, in-person conversations. Kirtana had shown Mali some parts of the city as they drove to ‘Magnolia’, the name of the apartment complex ‘Kit’ lived in. It had just rained the evening before Mali had arrived and today the sun was out, and the weather was just right, pleasant and sunny, the kind of weather most people expected of the city. Mali had commented on how strange it felt to be back in a big city again... to which Kirtana made a joke about how, the ‘city’ was getting undone as it was getting done - pointing to all the roads that had been dug up or flooded in the rain.

Mali was delightful; she was everything Kirtana had expected her to be, and more. Kirtana instantly found how Maliha could make people feel at ease around her, and that is what made her behave even more strangely around her. She was determined to make the best first impression. But there was a part of her that could not help wondering why she needed Mali’s approval!

Kirtana had just celebrated her 27^th birthday about a month ago. Well celebrated was a stretch! She had had a rough year on the personal front. For the first time in her life she had found a man who she felt she loved. This had happened very suddenly two years ago, where all such love stories begin, at a party, a friend of a friend of a friend…Well it ended badly! They wanted different things, correction: he did not want what she did, and so they had a bad ending to what seemed like a good relationship. Now as all break ups go, it is never easy, but Kirtana had been affected a lot more than she realized. There was a part of her that stopped trusting her own judgments; it was as though she was punishing herself for not seeing a bad man hiding in the guise of the man she thought she loved.

This break up, also served as a wake-up call. Kirtana had not been happy in her relationship, and she was not happy with her job and she was not happy in life. All her planning had not taken into account this crucial ingredient to making a good life for herself. She always felt like something was missing…

Kirtana celebrated this birthday, making lofty promises to herself. She had always been a person in control of a situation. She had very early on in life learnt that she could be prepared for any situation if she organized her life. She had been a great student through school and college and good at everything she did, but she could never quite shake the fact that she was at some level quite... dull! She was not spontaneous at all, and that made her come off as rigid and a bit serious. What helped her get the attention she always got...at first of course, were her striking good looks. Kirtana had the grace of a dancer. In her eyes though, she was quite ordinary, but to the rest of the world that saw her, she was a girl that always got the second look.

Kirtana had always been self conscious; to her nothing was ever good enough about herself. And so that made her try very hard... try to be many things she was not.

She had a theory about herself. She felt her timing was always just a tiny bit off... she was always at the right place, but just a little bit early, maybe it was because she had everything planned so perfectly! She thought no one ever gave her the kind of attention she wanted. She always thought her friends liked her more when she was not around, in her absence her ‘presence’ was more appreciated than when she was actually around…or so she believed! This theory lent heavily to why she let herself seem boring ” why try anyway?” she thought!

She had promised herself that this was going to be a year of new beginnings. Her birthday was always a day that she made big resolutions! She was going to learn to be Kirtana, she was going to find a way to be at peace with the voices in her head! She was going to learn how to have fun… and in turn learn to be fun!

And she would do this with a little help from Maliha...only Mali did not know it yet!