Apathy and Ecstasy

Ring a bell

24. Black and White

Rita watched in a mix of horror and admiration at the frenzied pace of work that was taking place at this restaurant near the boutique she worked at. Named after a God , this particular “restaurant” was nowhere close to cleanliness or godliness. She had been here many times and watched the gross spectacle – a combination of negligence and crude grace that came together to make what could only be described as utterly sickeningly delicious food, for cheap and for the masses, served to you by men at a counter based on your ‘cuisine’ choice with one hand as they wiped the sweat off their brow with the other or used their long finger nail (multipurpose) for disgustingly useful purposes... So yes if you ordered for Gobi Manchurian it came with that invisible side order of fingernail dirt and whatever else was on the guy’s hand when he made it… and if you asked for a fork in this joint, they will look at you like you just swore at them. Masala dosa was near deep fried, served in a triangular shape served with what looks like an extra portion of butter, just in case the dosa on its own did not do it for you. The juice section of these shops was usually just as “good”- one mixer grinder for all juices ad fruits, and who cares if you cut your finger while your peeling that pineapple…blood tastes good, right… But this place still served over 500 people a day and had never once been closed on a health or hygiene violation…Jai Hind!

Rita ordered her usual…and tried to get these awful pictures out of her mind.. she tuned out. She would eat her lunch at the shop… who was she kidding –you could take the food out of the restaurant, but not the ‘restaurant’ out of the food!

Her order was ready and she sped out and ran straight into the shop…and turned the sign over. “CLOSED” it read. The owner did not look kindly upon these decisions by Rita…closing the shop at lunch time, meant losing business…”eat on your own time“ she said. “Ahh..Nothing like employee benefits!” Rita said out loud… mocking her absent employer… a bizarre French lady who lived in an “open” family in Pondicherry… she sold clothes from obscure designers in India and from around the world…all the time renouncing “materialism”… “wonder what she does with all the money she makes in this shop then…” Rita said the first time she heard that, along with a not so subtle dig at foreigners. Rita was a drama queen at heart and in general…but right now the queen was on vacation…leaving her lowly maid to be Rita for a while – this because she was a bit glum these days. Witnessing a near fatal accident does that to someone!

Well her chance to be on stage would come again soon…she would be good! She swayed around with a dress she was folding…ballroom dancing to unheard music, with the dress as her partner. The shop now reeked of her hot mess of food…and she chomped away happily after putting the dress away. An indulgence long overdue…”Chiiing…Chiiing…” the bell at the door made a sound as it opened…”We are closed for half an hour, please…” and the words stopped in her mouth…

Because at the door was a little girl. She had wandered into the shop…clearly lost, with tears rolling down her cheeks…and the most sad little eyes, Rita had ever seen!

Rita immediately ran to comfort the child…”What is your name?” she asked the child…the child did not answer… she just looked on at Rita. Rita tried everything to get her to talk! She offered her some food, water , asked her her mother’s name…but nothing! The child would not even look at her… it was as though she was looking right through her…

Rita heard the door again and a man, a slightly aged man, came flying in, not caring about the sign and claimed the little girl. “I’m so sorry, we were walking around and suddenly she vanished. I was worried sick!!”…he looked at the child…a plump little girl…

Yes Rita had been a plump little girl when her dad had lost her in the busy streets of her home city, 25 years ago…only this version that her mind had played out for her…had not been what really happened…Rita wiped her eyes…her mind had played tricks on her yet again! When would she learn to let this go…

Rita had gotten lost as a child…and in a place like this, a kid getting lost can mean many things! Rita eventually found out that she had not been lost by accident. But God , as she liked to think, had different plans for this girl. She was finally rescued and raised by a small family with no children of their own and with every excess a child ever dreams of. But how she struggled at first… Rita had been 3 years old when she had been “set free” and although the memory of that had faded considerably…it was recently rekindled during her car accident. She wondered why it had been done, why she had been rejected…why her? It was now a complex deeply rooted in her mind.

She realized she needed closure…and she needed to find the family that had not wanted her! She would resolve to find them and make peace with her past. This she had decided at Kit’s party that night…

The bell chimed again…and this time a real customer walked in, shaking Rita out of her thoughts… the drama queen was a front, because she was still just a 3 year old wondering why she had not been loved. She would learn, it was not all so black and white...

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Mango jam

23. Everybody's thinking...

The boys pulled up on a rather unimpressive looking driveway…Manu got the door for Raghav. The two got off and Manu led the way. Raghav could hear a low hum, and as they got closer to what Manu would describe as a large, old, yellow bungalow he realized the hum was actually the sound of a group of people reciting something.

He could hear the sound of water falling, ever so gently, the sound of bubbles and the smell of fresh grass and wet earth. It immediately put them at ease. Simple things have a way of disarming people in a way that nothing complicated or forced can!

Manu led the way through the front yard, to a few stone steps that led to a small corridor surrounding a large open courtyard. The sun streamed in through the trees high above the house, and the shadows of the leaves on the clean clay floor created a pattern as though it had been drawn on. There was the smell of fresh fruits somewhere, and Manu was thankful he had left Monkey behind… the sort of havoc he would have caused would send this peaceful haven into a state of frenzy.

“My friend Kanika runs this place. She started this as a home for poor families in the town nearby. You must know that Kanika is blind as well. Not that it should mean something…” Manu said with a smile.

Kanika was sitting with a group of ladies in the backyard. They were cutting up fruits and vegetables as a part of a small cottage industry – to make jams and pickles to sell at tourist destinations and some retail outlets in the state. Kanika was in the process of expanding this business… it was proving harder than she expected.

“There she is… Kanika, we’re here!” said Manu, his usual dramatic side kicked in, he literally swooped in for a hug. Kanika looked like she meant business, her attire was practical and simple and she spoke a few words to the ladies and marched the boys out of the yard.

Manu introduced Raghav and Raghav spoke to Kanika freely. The atmosphere was very simply conducive to behaving with ease and simplicity. “ So it turns out our young Raghav here is going through something you did not too long ago Kanika”

Kanika had started this home at the peak of a very frustrating time in her life. Her parents were orthodox, concerned about getting their daughter, graduated and married off… and were always talking about her blindness as some sort of negotiation point with potential suitors. They meant well, they were just old fashioned. One reason why Kanika would never tell them about the relationships she was in…and when it fell apart. She figured she had two options, submit herself to her parents ‘vision’ for her…or follow her own path and in the process find a way to live and make peace with her circumstances. Kanika had a sharp mind and an eye for business, as one might say…but she refused to succumb to some corporate machine (as she liked to say). She was way too young and inexperienced to make such a head strong decision, but she did and it paid off, and that is how this home she ran, along with all its little ventures came to be.

She was always in need of some help though and Manu thought it a great idea to introduce the two (obvious though it might be) to each other and see if either could be of use to the other.

It turned out to be a fairly good assessment on his part as the budding psychologist in Raghav began to dig deeper into how the people living in this home, were doing with a new place to live and a steady source of income, everything they were unused to and knew not to trust for too long. Raghav spent a good hour talking to Kanika. This was going to be where he started his research, both for his study and for himself.

Manu decided to take this time to look around the large estate. It was kept well with some help from all of Kanika’s friends and well wishers. She had two successful friends, meaning to say they had stuck to the beaten path and beat it! They were always finding ways to invest their company’s designated charity funds in Kanika, so it worked out well, and was possibly the reason she had survived in this ‘business’, apart from the kindness of her heart.

Manu had met her through her once strange boyfriend. The guy had been in a drama club with Manu and was heavily into women like Kanika, strong minded, until of course she stopped doing what he told her. Long story short, she left him twitching on the ground, doubling up in pain (it’s amazing how a little knee action can go such a long way) right in the middle of that aforementioned drama club (much to amusement and delight of many women in the group). And that was the end.

Now Kanika was married, happily so, to a sweet and gentle man, a software engineer, whom she had met on a train once while journeying with a friend to Pondicherry. He was a sweet man, a kind soul and a quiet person, but he felt a strong connection with this fiery Kanika and sparks flew like it was Diwali!

Manu kept in touch with Kanika, as their paths crossed many many times and had even attended their lovely wedding (incidentally in this very house).

His jog down memory lane, led him to a thought that was visiting his head increasingly these days… what would Manu do to fill that little tiny void in his heart that play writing, and wandering and Monkey could not fill.. he sighed heavily, picked up a guava (Monkey was rubbing off on him) and thought a bit more about his play, he would be casting soon. And Nisha and Mira were his music team, he was hoping they would share his vision on the story!

Raghav called out to Manu, and that was his cue… to go back into the house.

Meanwhile…back in the city… Maliha and Kirtana had bonded over what had happened the last few weeks. There are two things guaranteed to bring people closer together, absolute silliness, READ : completely letting your guard down with someone or a tragedy or dilemma where you can derive strength and care from one another. Both are unconditional and whole hearted and usually situations where no one is judged, making the effects and resultant changes in the those involved ,the way they see each other permanently.

The painting Mali had been working on was half way done. Kirtana had finished her relaxing rituals of the weekend, and popped into Mali’s room to see what she was up to. Mali had made the room a total mess…and in that mess she functioned her best! What was it? how was it that eccentricity and artistic tendencies always went hand in hand with such behavioral aspects…Kirtana felt better looking at the rest of her house in comparison, Mali had cleaned up.

“Hey Mali…what’s been happening? How’s your head?” said Kirtana, all big sister like. “I’m fine Kit, not to worry. Come see what I am painting!” said Maliha.

Kirtana walked over to Mali, now directly in front of the canvas…She bent her head sideways and the straight up again…”Well its beautiful…but ummm…what am I looking at Mali?”

“it really isn’t anything yet…” she said with a laugh! “I’m distracted and painting with my eyes closed actually..serious..”

She went on..“Kirtana…I’ve been thinking… I was not sure how to bring this up..but I am thinking of staying with you longer than the time we had discussed, do you think that would be okay?” Maliha continued.

“Sure! That’s probably the best news I’ve heard in a while… I can’t imagine you leaving now! Please stay as long as you want, even if you say you will never leave that will be okay!” said Kirtana…she was completely sincere with her words..”But if you would not mind me asking, why the change of heart?”

“well its everything that has gone on so far! I told you about the reasons behind my slightly psychotic incident and it has got me thinking about finally putting my vagabond life to rest…you know? I want to make a life somewhere, maybe even with someone, and if I don’t start now…when will I?” she said…

Kirtana listened… this was good and bad. Would Mali start being too safe now? Time would tell…

“Well whatever you need to do, you should Mali, just know you can stay here as long as you like!” Kirtana smiled… she meant every word.

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Lavender love

22. Bubbly!

Kirtana had survived the party. Her head had been aching so terribly she was willing to call it a night about half an hour into it. But she got caught up in the evening…and found to her great surprise that she enjoyed it…head ache and all. The next day had been a routine Saturday… of the indoors-kind. She spent a good part of the morning in bed, in deep sleep, falling in and out of ridiculous dreams involving a large chocolate cake in a glass case she could not open and an elephant sized cat that tore up her living room curtains… maybe it was the medicine she took.. the one for her headache.

She woke up with a massive craving for anything with strawberry jam and decided…what better than some hot tea, and jam and butter on hot toast. She wandered around the wasteland her house had become… the ill effects of a good party no less. Well that would be dealt with once Kirtana came down from her diva horse… today she would be blind to the messes, lucky for her Mali would soon clean up and return the house to its former Kirtana-esque glory.

Kirtana often pampered herself on her weekends, she had spent many of these to herself, now she had two ‘roommates’. One of whom was missing right now. She could hear Mali making some noises from her room, she had been up bright and early by Saturday standards and that could be because she had rested so much the two weeks before, she was exhausted from sleeping!

She was furiously mixing paints, and creating colours that would soon be too dull for her liking, leaving her already weirdly painted canvas with a variety of patches. Maybe that was the point. Who knew…art had a way of making itself once set in motion…

Kirtana would indulge herself in a nice long hot bath… yes she was one of those types of people. Her bathroom was a sanctuary. It had a little surprise in every corner, and being the architect that she was she had made the most of a small space not to mention she used every item in the book…candles, bath foams and gels, loofahs and scrubbers…vanilla moisturizer and lavender essence. What more would a girl need…she had her music in her bathroom as well… she never bathed without music be it a quick shower or a long bath… and her set of natural facials would put a beauty spa to shame…

Kirtana had her moments…rather long ones…of vanity… there were mirrors on every conceivable surface in this bathroom. All but a few of course…it had started many an interesting conversation that is for sure. Well these long baths of hers entailed the usage of an obscene amount of water spent (her building recycled…phew)… and so there she was soaking up her lavender essence and mango walnut facial…when the phone rang….

“Urrrggghhhh…story of my life…” she cursed some more as she got out of her warm foamy cocoon…and grabbed her robe, to answer the call…”this better be worth the trip…remember to take the phone in next time Kirtana..” she thought!

“Hello…”said Kirtana, snapping slightly “Ma’am I am calling from….”. Kirtana hung up. What a frustrating situation… is there no sanctity in taking a peaceful bath anymore? Apparently not… she cursed the credit card company and got back into her bath.

Moments later…Bbbrrrringg! Phone again…Kirtana opened one eye... Should she pick up? she picked up and barked “ hello! When someone hangs up on you it is a pretty good indication of them not wanting to be disturbed!!”

“Whoooaa!”…”Kirtana…its Karan!” (<>he had appeared earlier in the story, he had not shown up to a ‘catch-up’ date)

“Uh—oh...Karan?? You're probably the last person I expected to hear from… I hope you have a good reason for not showing up that evening… even then I still have to think about whether I will want to hear it!”

“Yes I am a total jerk…total utter complete idiot…and for not having the decency to call before this…even worse, still I think you are way too nice to slam the phone down on me…” said Karan… voice syrupy and stale with overused excuses.

“Go on...” Kirtana using every fibre of her being, to hold back her utter contempt for the jerk.

“Ummm… well I sort of got the idea our friend Anish, was not thrilled about us meeting!”

“Wait a minute, you have the audacity to call me almost a month after being a no show, and then tell me that you acted on the disapproval of some co-worker of mine who hardly even knows me, but somehow has the right to dictate whom I can or cannot meet???! Listen you just made things a great deal worse for yourself, so if there is no apology lined up in this conversation I suggest we stop wasting each other’s time!”

“He called me an hour before I was going to leave to meet you… saying I should stay away. That you had spoken to him earlier about me.. and how I was wasting your time, getting back in touch with you…” said Karan, everything he spoke now would be like swimming against a current.

“ you know what, I think he did me a favour, you were bad news to start with, why would I need to put myself through this again? I am done talking… thanks for nothing! Bye!” said Kirtana forcefully…wow where was this coming from??

She was now annoyed, cold and curious… why would that no good Anish do that? Was there a shred of truth to this story…Kirtana had to find out. She drained her bath… and filled it again… this called for extra lavender and louder music! And drowning the phone in a big bucket of water… that will teach it to ring!!! Her life was playing tiny tricks on her... but for the first time she realized that she had stopped thinking about Anish... until now...she sighed heavily...and sunk into the tub, closed her eyes. "I'm fine.." she smiled.

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Just another day

21. Fresh air…

Raghav was not having the time he had expected. He had come back hoping to make some headway in his research, and in gaining some much needed clarity, but everything seemed to have come to a grinding halt with the events of the last few weeks.

This party was fun though, and it gave him a great opportunity to reconnect with Mira. It was here he met her sister Nisha. She seemed very nice, and most people would have felt so because if you liked Mira, who really was very nice, her twin looked so much like her, liking Nisha would be an obvious reflex. But Raghav did not have the luxury of such snap judgements. The three of them spent most of the evening together, each sporting ridiculous looking hats with bright feathers coming out of it.

The night passed, and turned to day. And everyone was back doing what they do, on their two days off from work, that wonderfully frustrating break from the five day work week that passed with a blink of an eye, always leaving you wanting more!

Raghav had made plans with the girls. He wanted to get out and had had enough of the drama in the house that he was staying in. He needed some light distraction… and he wanted to get to know more people! It turned out that Manu felt the same way about the drama at least… also he thought Raghav could use a hand, so invited himself to the outing.

Soon the boys were off, dressed ever so casually, Monkey on Manu’s shoulder, all going off to a local coffee shop, that Manu liked and frequented, and where he and his pet were not banned. The girls showed up… a few minutes later, and after quick greetings, they were seated comfortably on some giant cushions, browsing the almost tattered menu card for overpriced beverages. These prices could only be explained if they served a portion or quantity beyond belief or if it came in some sort of gold cup… neither was true, but the four succumbed and ordered a variety of items from the menu, which served as brunch for them…

The waiter struggled with their order as he repeated it, and once he had gone, Mira giggled at how she thought she had heard something else when he said “triple chocolate chip super fudge milkshake”…ah well…its things like this that made going out even more memorable right?

Nisha smiled too, she looked a little less severe, having regained some colour in her face. The effect of her sister being back home no doubt. Manu began “Raghav tells me you both play music… and that you Mira are in some sort of Jazz act? Sounds very interesting…”

“Yes well, I don’t do it to sound interesting! I just am.. “ she winked and nudged Raghav, making jokes, was something she did often. “ Yeah I play the flute and sax, it’s fun, no doubt, but you have no idea how good Nisha is on the piano… I mean she will literally blow your mind!”

Nisha blushed… she never blushed that easily, she really had changed. “ you know, I have heard all about your plays…you should consider letting my sister audition for the music parts!”

“Hey that’s not a bad idea at all! I am looking for someone who has not really played mainstream before though… so I hope I will not be cramping your style if I asked you to play for me Nisha?”

“ Honestly Manu I might have forgotten my style. I actually think if you need some music for your play, I would be happy to audition. But what is your play about anyway?” said Nisha, her face had brightened. Talking about something new made a difference.

Manu went on to explain to them what his play would be about. When he finished, Nisha and Mira sat there, a little stunned. The subject of the girl not being able to move was so close to Nisha, it was eerie…she felt a chill run up her spine...

Mira volunteered an explanation to the now slightly confused Manu, who was about to mistake their silence, for dislike. Manu too was quite moved once he heard the story. “Wow…talk about art imitating life…imitating art!”

Raghav and the rest pf them spent the remainder of the afternoon making plans for the week, with three of them on a vacation, and the other needing some help in casting, it seemed that Raghav, Mira and Nisha had been recruited to the planning crew for the play, at least temporarily.

“Manu, for you things just have a way of falling into your lap…I mean you don’t even have to try!” said Raghav as they finally bid their goodbyes, and headed home for the day… Manu thought about that, it was true. Especially of late Manu had been getting it easy! Meeting Kit and now these girls, and actually anything he set his mind to…”Midas touch…my friend..” he laughed and replied.

“Raghav I have a friend I want you to meet. He lives outside the city on a small estate, where he runs his family’s business, and I think he might be of some interest to you. How about a road trip this weekend? “he continued..

“Well why would this friend interest me? And what about all the plans we just made??”

“ Don’t’ question the Midas, just go with the flow…and follow…I’ll take that as a yes, besides we’ll be back in time to make all our plans happen, so you can relax…look at Monkey...now that’s how you live, right now he’s perched on my shoulder, not knowing where we are going, all he needs is some fresh air and a guava, and he is happy little guy..” Manu laughed…and put his arm around Raghav “I promise, this will be a good trip, you’ll thank me later”

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Past continues

20. True colours...

Maliha moved to the side of the room and watched as all her friends recovered from her melodramatic speech… helping themselves to a drink to speed up the process. She smiled, and touched the glassy bits of her necklace, a habit she had when she wore something she liked, always checking to see if it was still there.

She moved to the balcony, an odd thing to do considering her experience in this part of the house not so long ago. But she did not feel nervous and although she expected the sequence of those events to come rushing back to her, they did only a little differently than one would imagine. She had forgotten those dark days, she had worked hard to replace all those memories…with ones from her now ever changing life. She had forgotten how deep the wounds were before she rushed to cover them instead of leaving them to fully heal! Why she was choosing to have these morbid and disturbing thoughts on the evening of her birthday party was not clear… but special occasions call for some reflection…and recovering from a head injury caused by a semi hypnosis driven jump off the ledge of a balcony is a better trigger than any.

Losing her parents had been almost as though she had lost herself. Her entire world had been taken and tossed upside down and shaken so badly that any sort of recovery seemed unrealistic . But like anything, with time, it got easier to live with, easier to deal with.

The story of Maliha’s disturbing past dates back to when she had just lost them. Her parents, both in business had left behind a sizable fortune. Of course this was enough to attract the exaggerated sympathies of some distant and unknown relatives in the hopes of receiving monetary gifts for their acts of kindness. Maliha saw right through most of them, except an uncle, who seemed genuine at first. He had a completely different agenda it turned out. He knew that she being an adult and only heir, would have complete rights to her inheritance. Unless he could somehow show that she was being cared for by him, as she was mentally unstable. Farfetched though it was, it was not an impossibility, after all she had been under a great deal of stress, and the traumatic incident could have had alarming results on the young girl’s mind. Slowly but surely her uncle began gaining evidence of her alleged mental instability quoting her out of context, collecting recordings or writings from her , conveniently omitting rational explanations for them and soon he had built a case of her ‘insanity’ from nothing. Somewhere during the course of this plan, Mali began to realize her dear uncle had greater interests than her well being but by then she was already outnumbered, the world against ‘Crazy Mali’…”Oh poor girl..she’s been through so much..look at her eyes…yes they look empty..shhh…don’t provoke her” comments whispered like this became common, and soon everyone had labeled her disturbed!

Her uncle would soon have control over how Mali spent her inheritance and that would mean it would be his to use… the atrocities people will commit for money. Soon enough the air turned hostile, his gentle scolding’s , turned violent and cold, and he eventually resorted to force, keeping Mali confined. All this while Mali should have been attending college…

What her uncle did not know is that Mali had always been bright, and she always kept an escape door, a backup plan. She had started to move around some of the money, and ensured that every bit of paper work was duplicated and air tight, the only claimant could be her. So she would escape the clutches of her greedy uncle, it was only a matter of time. She decided to give in to her supposed insanity and provoke her uncle, but that made things worse. He locked her up, afraid of what he had gotten himself into. Then she calmed down, only to be locked up again. Her uncle, so overcome with desperation for this wealth, decided to take the extreme step…he would kill Mali and make it look like suicide.

As all such stories go, the night that happened turned disastrous… for her uncle. Maliha had opened her large home to her uncle, again by force. Her uncle had picked one fine evening to commit this terrible deed. Luckily Maliha was one step ahead. She knew his plan…she had just sensed it. She had decided it was time to run. To get as far away as she could from any family she had left and lead life on her own terms, make something good for herself. She packed her things, hid them from view and waited till her uncle came around to ‘check’ on her. He had decided to go the old movie way, poison her, making it look like she took the drastic step herself…She smiled, played along…but later in the dead of the night, she made her move… she would throw her bags out the window, get out and take a train out of the city. Of course uncle came knocking , he had to check if the deed was done.

When he found Mali, poised to run, he did not know how that could be. Overcome with fear and rage, he chased her…and she ran…through the house, down the corridor, to the room on the left…but in reality she could not jump out of the window.

There she was face to face with a real life villain, faced also with the choice of running or fighting. She fought. And that is how the letter opener on the table by the window, ended up a few inches inside her uncle’s chest… killing him.

Self defense. That’s what it was. The legal system agreed.

She could have jumped…and run…but she had to honour her family…she had to cause him pain…she did…but she had hurt herself too.

In the end that was how Mali got free, got on her feet and started to live again. But she had not forgiven herself for what happened that night. She could have handled it differently, she felt…she had defended herself, but she had not forgiven herself…

That may have been why she was overcompensating by helping everyone she ever met and also why she moved, never staying too long, because her memories always had a way of catching up with her!

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One girl, two realities

19. Epiphany

It is known that Manu was happy the week leading up to this party, surprisingly so. Not to say that he was insensitive to his friends, but because he had gained some much needed clarity for his play from the shock of this incident. It would be interesting to see how this all happened.

In the short time that he had known Kit, Mali and even Raghav, he had become very attached to the three, like they were family.

He had been taking turns with Kirtana, visiting Mali in the hospital, giving her company during the tests and routine examinations that were conducted to ensure Mali was okay. They had met some others in the hospital. Netra , who was having her appendix removed. Her husband, possibly the most devoted man on the face of the earth, hardly ever left her side. He had been worried sick about his wife, and took care of her every need. He would have chewed her food for her if he could. Was there such a thing as too much love? It was amusing to see them together.

Then there was someone else Manu had been observing. She came in to meet with a physiotherapist on the same floor every day. She seemed to be in a great deal of pain, although from the looks of it she could not feel much from the waist below. Manu felt a strong urge to go up to her and give her a big hug…

Manu often dozed off while waiting for Mali or Kirtana to come and takeover ‘Mali’ duty. And each time he slipped into a bizarre dream… a version of what he had.. ‘one girl, two realities’.

It was a occasion like this where he woke up, with a start, only to quickly say bye to Kirtana, before running back home, to put pen to paper and write his idea before it became diluted by second thoughts and distracting conversations.

Here was his latest idea. The play would open with a man, a man who wrote music. He would be at a point in his life, where fame had left him, and he no longer produced work that could earn him his daily bread.

He moves to a more modest dwelling and begins a routine life of early retirement, fed up of trying to work hard to make a living all over again. He goes to a park one afternoon, as he did often these days and meets a girl…the girl is a dancer, she says.

A few days later he finds that the girl he had met, could not have been real. She could not be…for the girl had died years ago. There had been several conflicts in this area that was now a civilized town, but once upon a time, a girl had lived here, where this park now stood… The girl had been a dancer, that was true, but in better times . Her dreams were killed when she survived a landmine accident, with no use of her legs… she was hurt inside and out. She lived a few years before she passed on...

He visits the park again. And there she is…waiting for him to come. She comes to him, she is not crippled. She speaks little, as though preoccupied or in a trance…she is just dancing, moving to unheard music. The writer of music would at first think that he has gone crazy…how could he be seeing the dead? Soon his doubts on his sanity are replaced by fear..at which point he begins to confide in a neighbor… a young man. A blind man. The man does not judge him, he believes what the writer appears to be seeing.

Soon the writer realizes that this girl is as real as she wishes to be…she has come to him to fulfill her dream, without which she would never rest…to dance to the perfect music and be applauded for her grace.

The story would be one of eerie beauty. The writer, with the help of a few struggling musicians would work to compose, the perfect music for the girl…and she would finally have her song and her dance.

One night, she would dance to that on a rooftop, as though to an audience, and she would appear in both her forms, for her spirit knows two realities. Of happier innocent times, and of hardship and conflict. She would find her peace at last…and the writer would find his success again with a beautiful new composition…a happy ending…

Manu scared himself a bit as he wrote down this concept. He would have to create some moving music, not to mention have some skillful dancers in his cast. The part of a blind neighbor was all Raghav…a bit of very obvious inspiration.

The play would have to be constructed tightly, for an abstract concept like this, would not be easy to portray. One could easily get lost in fluid plots and melancholic music. It would need a modern approach, to a bittersweet story. He had his work cut out for him, but at least he had direction. He wanted this play to be a commentary on how harsh realities like death and conflict cannot crush a person’s dreams, and how your spirit is tied to that dream, and you can achieve it against all odds. it also would serve to point out the hardships of the physically challenged… blind, crippled…

Manu… back at party, smiled, and sipped his drink…this play would be a feather in his cap…he thought.

posted under chapter 19 | 1 Comments

Shades of grey...

18. Feather in her cap…

Her head ached… it ached so badly she thought she could feel her brain hammering at the inside of her skulll…the ache made her irritable and everything was beginning to make her already bad mood worse. Why was this happening today..not today!?

The guests were arriving and soon everyone would be here, Kirtana felt a wave of nausea. What timing? She took a deep breath, and let the moment pass. She would be okay if she stopped thinking about this.

Tonight they were celebrating the birthdays of Manu and Mali, two weeks late. Maliha had returned from the hospital a week earlier and she had come up with a unique way to invite guests to this party, she was going to do something interesting she had said. Well who was surprised, this was Mali, head injury or not.

Maliha had called three people she knew, Jagan the guy she had bumped into at the art store, who also happened to be the assistant to Manu; Kit’s neighbours who she had gone to the play with and Netra, a girl she had met the one week she had spent at the hospital. Netra was in for appendicitis, and they had met when they shared the two bed ward together during their respective ‘recovery’ time.

Maliha had invited them on the condition that they in turn invited three more people. That way everyone at the party told three other people and so the crowd would be a mix of everyone they all knew. Kit’s house was going to be full.. but there was another ‘catch’, everyone had to come wearing a hat… “no hat, no entry” she has said.

All dressed up, Maliha was looking great especially for someone who had fallen two floors off a balcony .She was pulling off an arm in a sling and a head injury with such ease. She had on a black hat and wore a beautifully fitted electric blue dress made of crushed silk, one of her ‘good’ outfits she said. She was wearing jewellery she had made herself, blue green glassy bits, strung together in a linked chain, which on its own looked strange and incomplete, but on her just fit. She wore a peacock feather in her hat… she really looked dressed for the occasion.

Needless to say Kit was just as well dressed. Looking amazing in a hot pink tunic type dress, she wore a belt around her hip, with a shell buckle, and she had improvised a bit on the hat and wore a band around her head instead, making her look like she was at some retro party. Kit had called her plus three. Anish, Roxie - her friend the painter and Rita, who worked at one of her favourite boutique’s (also happened to be Rita of Manu’s play). Manu had called Max, and two other members of his cast and brought Monkey. With everyone at her house, it was clear that the world could indeed be a small place, there were so many familiar faces!

Manu had had the best week, considering everything. He had made a breakthrough on an idea for his new play, and through all this ,shows of his play (Who’s got my knife) were still running successfully. Raghav had gotten over his guilt of the experiment gone wrong and that could have had something to do with Mira having come to the party, as his guest. Plus there was the fact that there is nothing like a good scare to shake you out of a rut.

Mira had brought Nisha. And Nisha was not happy.

Everyone else looked happy and the mood was perfectly complimented by the ambience in the house. It was breezy night, not cold, warm and yet somehow cool. The rooms had been lit entirely with lamps, and the smell of jasmine incense wafted through the house. Food and drink were in abundance, Kirtana had spared them all the head ache (funny because she actually did have one) and catered…she had set up a mini bar, and even the bartender wore a hat, she noted. This party was not inexpensive…but small fortunes could be spent for good friends. And that was what Maliha had become in the one month she had known her now.

Maliha let all the guests arrive before she called for everyone’s attention. She walked to the middle of the room, they had set up a small wooden stage at the centre of the room, there would be some drunken performances tonight! Mali carried a pouch in her ‘good’ hand. It had different types and colours of feathers.

“So how many people in this room have ever been afraid of the dark? Sorry Raghav, but you know what I mean... come on; I’m sure everyone has been at some point; as a kid at the very least? So why fear the dark, it’s the fear of the unknown right? Of not knowing what’s ahead of you or being unprepared to face the thing you can’t see? Well, it’s all of that and more. As you can see, I have a feather in my cap tonight, and I’ll tell you why. Tonight I am celebrating an achievement; funny though I have yet to achieve the thing I want to. What I have done though is to identify the ‘darkness’ of my life that I so fear. And no it’s not the head injury talking, tonight I celebrate an achievement I am positive to make this year, to conquer a fear that I’ve been living with. Tonight I have you all in a room, the people I care about and the people these people care about, I felt that it be on this night that I make this resolution. I usually make one on every birthday of mine, but this time it seemed as though the resolution itself is so big! So I decided to make it in a big way! I want all of you to join me in this… add a feather to your caps, make a promise with me! Let’s toast to that!!” she held up her drink and smiled at all the faces she could see, and took a sip. She had meant every melodramatic word she had just uttered. The guests looked at each other. Glances sideways and behind, the crowd was wondering what to understand from all this. But then, finally, in a collective attempt to see their friend happy, few gave in, and soon the entire group followed.

Mali handed out the feathers, and one by one each person had one on. It was a sight to see…Manu was amused.

Manu’s great mood was not just because it was also his party… but because of what had happened the day before…his entire play had come to him. It was again in a half dream and would be better and that much more difficult to make. a feather in his cap... in the making!

Kirtana wore her feather. As she did, she thought about what she would promise herself to achieve this year…what could she do, what fear could she finally put to rest. She could not think of anything and it was mostly because her headache was not any better, but the idea Mali had just given the crowd had provided her with some distraction…she had been so tired lately, she needed a vacation or a few days of uninterrupted sleep! …She had finally said yes. Manu had at least one actor for his play… she achieved this much off late. if only she had been in a better mood that night.

That evening many things happened, it was an evening that would certainly be remembered by every guest, some for all the right reasons…and for some, all the wrong ones…all was not as well as it seemed… especially for girl with the peacock feather in her cap. For the first time, Mali would need some saving, and it would come from a person in the party that night…someone no one would expect!

posted under chapter 18 | 0 Comments

How this story works..part two

So in a lot of stories there always is a gradual build up from introducing the main characters, establishing the relationships and elaborating on the plot, before it reaches the crux of the story and then finishes. I intend to keep that formula, but add my own flavour to this.. so read, and yes there will be more character introduction chapters, I'll get deeper into the story soon :)

Apart from this, I have decided to keep the names of cities a mystery. I will probably never mention the name of a city specifically, because when you do that, you have to be factually correct, and that might take away from the story on a blog :) so the only things I will ever write about specifically are my characters and what happens to them. The 'where' part will be appropriately described :) and will leave you guessing ;)

Behind this title...

So if you are reading this (thank you!) you are probably wondering what this blog title is about. Why a seemingly normal girl (if you know me or have read my profile) would choose to title her blog so. Well, I can explain it this way. As I see it pretty much everything and everyone around me , and for that matter you, is driven by one of these two sentiments. So no matter what I will ever talk about, it will always come down to something that was done to go after happiness or satisfaction or just not! It is my idea of simplifying the way I think of thoughts (yes think of thoughts), actions, intentions behind anything. And I am one for 'word plays'. So yes I like that my blog can sound like something (a book) we are already familiar with :)

So in this blog I will share with you a story I am writing.. its a story where the characters , events and situations are all derived from my own life. Enjoy :) and I would like your help and suggestions in building this story.. :)

Understand that this story is not true, its just an escape.. and completely a figment of my imagination :)