Apathy and Ecstasy: November 2010

Confessions at sunrise

28. Dawn..

Raghavendra Gopalakrishnan, better known as Raghav, lay asleep. He slept well, and the cool comfort of his room, with the soft quilt around him was all the luxury he really needed. He had now stayed a considerable time with Kanika, in her “home”. He had spent the last two weeks (had the time gone by so quickly?) helping Kanika , a total stranger, teach a small group of boys how to speak English. This was part of a vocational training camp that Kanika was organizing. And so far the week had been very challenging. It took a lot to do with they did, and in a big way this was an exercise in coping with their own ‘handicap’. Kanika had possibly done this intentionally; she wanted Raghav to get involved with something, where he pushed through the boundary he had created for himself.

By now Raghav, had realized that, what kind of psychologist could he ever be if he did not, right? He was making excellent progress with a group of three boys, and they spent their ‘break’ time, butchering lyrics of some Michael Jackson songs that Raghav played from his music player.

The cold shell around him had melted considerably, but had he found what he came home to find? There was a good chance he did not know what he was looking for. For now, he was living in the moment. He missed Mali and the others. It was time for him to head back, and he decided he would do it himself. He was not going to call Manu, as he had been so fiercely instructed to. Instead he would go the distance alone, in which ever means he could, without revealing to anyone he was unable to see… it would be a little test for him and for everyone he met on his trip back, in trust and being trusted. That little journey lay ahead for Raghav, as he slept…dreaming a little dream.

Nisha and Mira were driving recklessly down a dark highway. They had rolled down the windows, and the cold wind blasted through the car, sending the girls into bursts of shivers. Mira did not really have to worry too much about getting the wind in her hair considering she had none, but Nisha would have some serious detangling to do once they reached where ever they were going.

The highway was lined with trees on either side and the sky was clear and studded with stars. The air smelled clean and pure, something that was indescribable but wonderful all the same, and the drive was proving to be quite exhilarating. Form the looks of it, the girls were headed to a hill, not too far from the city…it was known for its spectacular view of the sunrise, though the girls were a few hours too early for that. They has stopped and grabbed some disgustingly good egg rolls on the way, and after a much required bathroom break (note coffee keeps you awake, but there is a downside) the girls had started off.

So now Mira was curious, at the back of her mind she found all this exhileration a little unsettling. Why did they have to drive so far, what was that look in Nisha’s eyes, when they left? Well at least she looked like she was doing better right?

Nisha before the accident of her good friend had been a very different version of her present self. She was talented musically and was great at her terracotta art hobby, but she was also many other things. She was smart and popular in college and with the sort of attention she got, she was also greatly arrogant. Many liked her, but even more hated her. She was one of ‘those’; she called the shots, had the coolest looking friends, the best clothes, the latest phone… went to all the parties and did everything her parents would never approve off…

Well you are only young once, right? What disturbed everyone was now since her friend Riya had been crippled in the accident, Nisha was so low profile, hardly anyone even realized when she came and went. She still looked great, but she was definitely standing out for the dramatic behavior change, something quite contrary to her former self.

Her friend had been special to her no doubt, but a reaction like this? well it meant something…

A few kilometres short of the base of the hill, Nisha slowed down…Mira was a little relieved! She had this habit of running her hand over the back of her neck, when she was nervous; covering the green lizard tattoo she had just for a second as she did.

Nisha stopped the car, and parked it on the side of the road, keeping the headlights on, and the doors locked…she took some deep breaths, pulled back the seat, and just lay back gently…she took her hands to her face…and commented on how they were early for sunrise…

Almost immediately after this she began to sob…small light sobs were followed by full blown ones, till finally Mira gave up telling her to stop and let her get it all out…what was going on???

“Mira…you know how I told you about the accident my friend was in? The car that hit her, had two people, one of whom died on the spot. There’s something I did not tell you…Riya and I had a huge fight that night…it started at this party we were at…she and I sort of liked the same guy...this sounds so ridiculous as I am saying it… and I saw her work her way closer to him that night. I wouldn’t have it… so..so…I spiked her drink! It seemed harmless at the time; there were plenty of pills at the party so I thought it would not be that big a deal, and it got her to start speaking rubbish though she had not had much to drink, and so she decided to leave. I got in the car with her, and we got into an argument about something silly and she started yelling at me to shut up and that I was just a fake who thought I could have my way with anything. I was so smug and happy that I had sneaked that into her drink by then… and to make sure she would not try anything more with that guy…and since I was just a ten minute car ride from the party, I got her to drop me off kicking and screaming…I think the drug really kicked in by then. I think that’s really what caused the accident …crippling her and killing that other girl! And the only other person who could know anything about this, is that girl Rita, she was the one in the other car! A person is dead and another injured for life…and it’s all my fault!!!! She sobbed harder… Mira was sitting on that seat clutching the back of her neck…

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Getting somewhere

27. Back and forth

Many times with people in our lives, we find ourselves in situations with them where we think we know who they are and what they are capable of. When we realize, that they can be hurtful or inconsiderate, usually two things happen. It’s not just coping with the blow, but also dealing with being wrong in your judgement. Though the first seems more obviously painful the second is actually a longer lasting feeling, you feel unable to trust your own judgement for a while… you start to see hidden agendas where there are none, and won’t trust anyone any more… and of course harder the blow longer this lasts. It’s a damaging experience but a necessary evil… nothing like a painful experience to stir things up.

Rita got home.. The day had been long and annoying, and she was ready to put her feet up and get back to the book she had been reading. She lived alone in a tiny yet comfortable flat of a two storeyed house whose top floor had been rented out. It was not far from where they had practiced all day and Rita walked back in the cool evening breeze. She shivered. It was going to be a cold night. Returning to her house, was as much depressing as it was nice. She loved her independence but craved company too.

Rita had not had a normal childhood or upbringing. She strained her mind as she went back to the day everything changed. She had been in her home city market. A busy day, hot sun. Her parents had been there, she did not remember too much about them. But she remembered, how she got lost in the crowd in a second, and suddenly fell to the ground unconscious. Had she been eating some sweets she had got at a candy vendors stall? When she woke, she felt herself swaying back and forth, to the movement of a train. She was in different clothes.

What was she doing there? The story could be told the long and hard way or the quick but equally painful way. Rita had been kidnapped from her parents. She was taken to be made to work in some far off city where every sort of horror awaited her. She would like many children be exploited till she either ran away or perished. But fate had another plan, one more trick up its sleeves. She would be rescued by a single lady in search of a child, a daughter, she had travelled from Australia to find this child she knew she wanted, and along the way devote herself to helping the other less fortunate girl children of this city that could be both a haven and living hell.

Rita never really knew her actual name, but she was saved before any more damage could be done to her. She and Angela became a family, and soon the scars of her childhood, faded as her memory did. Yet she longed to feel that sense of home she did when she had held her father’s hand in the market that day…she often felt guilty for this thought. Her mom had been her everything, she had rescued her, educated her and taken the best care of her. And Rita owed her, her life…poor Rita torn between bitter - sweet experiences, and all too young to even know how to handle it.

She had eventually decided to move out on her own and make some life for herself, and her small flat, her job and her acting career were all prrof of her resilience. At the heart of it, she was okay. She was fortunate and grateful. And she believed that her life would be unconventional but okay.

It was funny to experience a new emotion of love in the midst of everything. She was not doing much to hide her feelings for Manu, and she wondered if he felt the same way. Time would tell…For now her book and her thoughts would keep her company..

Kirtana drove herself home. She had stormed out, but half way home she realized she was not really as angry as she thought. Yes she had been hung up on the wrong guy, worked too hard at the wrong job and made so many plans, she hardly ever did anything without one. Okay so she was a bit organized, when did that ever do anyone any harm? Besides Mali making fun of her in public, airing out her secrets? That was what hurt!

She left Mali to fend for herself and get back home. Yes she would win over some poor sap to drop her home…Kit sulked. She was getting no where, three months on, her sense of adventure had improved no doubt. But what more could she be doing…sigh. Her doorbell rang. Well looks like Mali made her way home! And forgot her key… except it was not Mali..

Nisha and Mira were driving back home. Nisha was definitely doing better since her sister had gotten home. She was smiling again, and the colour in her face had come back.

“What a day!” said Mira, “we really had a long one! Too bad Raghav was not around, I wonder where that boy is at. You know you should really talk to him, not that I can say I have spoken a lot to him, but we hit it off on the plane journey back, he seemed like a great listener. There’s something there.”

“yeah, I could tell you like him” said Nisha, plainly. “So Mira, I was thinking…let’s not go home just yet. The night is young, how about we switch, let me take the wheel, I have a spare jacket in the back. I want to take you some where…but it is going to take us a little while to drive there. We can pick up some food on the way, but I want you to just trust me, not ask any questions and just come, what do you say?”

“well, have you given me too much choice?” said Mira laughing a little, “okay lets hit the road…I’m in!”

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How this story works..part two

So in a lot of stories there always is a gradual build up from introducing the main characters, establishing the relationships and elaborating on the plot, before it reaches the crux of the story and then finishes. I intend to keep that formula, but add my own flavour to this.. so read, and yes there will be more character introduction chapters, I'll get deeper into the story soon :)

Apart from this, I have decided to keep the names of cities a mystery. I will probably never mention the name of a city specifically, because when you do that, you have to be factually correct, and that might take away from the story on a blog :) so the only things I will ever write about specifically are my characters and what happens to them. The 'where' part will be appropriately described :) and will leave you guessing ;)

Behind this title...

So if you are reading this (thank you!) you are probably wondering what this blog title is about. Why a seemingly normal girl (if you know me or have read my profile) would choose to title her blog so. Well, I can explain it this way. As I see it pretty much everything and everyone around me , and for that matter you, is driven by one of these two sentiments. So no matter what I will ever talk about, it will always come down to something that was done to go after happiness or satisfaction or just not! It is my idea of simplifying the way I think of thoughts (yes think of thoughts), actions, intentions behind anything. And I am one for 'word plays'. So yes I like that my blog can sound like something (a book) we are already familiar with :)

So in this blog I will share with you a story I am writing.. its a story where the characters , events and situations are all derived from my own life. Enjoy :) and I would like your help and suggestions in building this story.. :)

Understand that this story is not true, its just an escape.. and completely a figment of my imagination :)